I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
