sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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