just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
