Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
