dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
