how can u be prego again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
