he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
