At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am midnight drunk by noon
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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