so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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