The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
either way he was missing a nipple.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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