You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize