I got chris browned last night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
