I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
