I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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