oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
