Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Life is so much better after having sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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