He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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