i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
