The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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