I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
