Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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