well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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