Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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