Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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