i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Enjoy the penises
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
