Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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