chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
