remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
