I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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