good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
