I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
