I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
