Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
