hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
