I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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