I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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