Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
