just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
