that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
