Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
