he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Everclear isn't food dammit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
