Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
