Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
