i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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