Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
