theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
