hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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