Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Come see our sink grown plant.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
