I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
