I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
