You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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