I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
