i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize