I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh god it's open bar.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
