I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The uberlube is also flammable
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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