I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
