Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
