she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
