I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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