those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I looked at my own cervix.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
