you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
