if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
