Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
